Todd the Moose

This world feels so dark sometimes. I know we are supposed to shed our light on the world, but it is a very large world. I've been looking out upon the world lately and just realizing how overwhelming it really is. There are so many people, so many lands, and so much money. As I watch the world around me spin and fall deeper into darkness, I am reminded I am supposed to hold my light bright and shine it everywhere. However the more I saw all the darkness the more I feel like I am being lost in it. Who am I? If there are so many people out there how can just one make any diffrence? At what point can I give up and let it go? This world is far too heavy for one person to carry.

To be a failure is to allow yourself to get into a position where you must give up. Where you have to give control over to the forces around you. It is where you realize all of the things you could have done to prevent failing, and now you wondering why hadn’t you done those things when you could have. Then you sink lower in your distress because you know that you have failed and that your judgment is coming. You look upon others and see that they have done well, that they did the things they needed to when it was upon them. But you, you are sitting there wondering if anyone is going to have mercy on you, and if you would let yourself accept their mercy knowing fully that you do not deserve it. This is why it is so hard to let God take over. As Christians we know that God has given us that mercy, but who would really give mercy to someone who deserves to be punished. There is a time when we realize that we have wrong someone else, and that we will wonder if we should ask for forgiveness. We would jump at the chance to forgive someone who has wronged us, but yet do not wish to seek forgiveness for ourselves for we are in complete knowledge that we deserve whatever punishment that is fit. The hardest example I can think of at the moment is School. I know that I didn’t get the assignment done, and it is my fault and my fault alone. I deserve whatever grade the teacher sees to give out, it is their job to do so. Yet this concept of asking for forgiveness is so foreign to us. Christ when he was on this world said to make right with everyone you have wronged. Well how I can I ask for forgiveness from someone who is just doing the thing they are called to do. Now going to that I can see how the idea of a job and having a boss can be in the same situation. If you do not get the job done that you are hired to do, then why shouldn’t your boss reprimand you in some way? However going back to the beginning though, because of this reluctance of asking for forgiveness we will see ourselves as failures. It will loom over us for as long as it can find a way to stay there. So what should we do about it? God says forgive and beg for forgiveness, yet how can I keep my guilt from reminding me of how I have failed. Why is it that I can work on a paper for days and get half as much as this that I wrote in 10 minutes? Do I give up now; ask for forgiveness, keep on trying to do as well as I can, or pretend like nothing is wrong with me? Do I just fail?