Todd the Moose

I think I agree with Lem in that people who blog poetry are kinda lame, and trying to be emo, or something like that. That being said I that some poetry is written to be read. So I want to post this poem that I wrote the other night.


The Dark

I seek the Light,
But it is the Dark that I love,

While water is the river of life,
The Dark swims in wine,

The Light has taken my soul,
The Dark has won my heart,

I dwell upon the Light in the day,
But at night I dream about the Dark,

The Light calls out to me,
Yet I call out to the Dark,

The Light only wants to love me,
The Dark holds itself high,

Unchangeable is the Light,
The Dark's mind wanders,

My ears are open to the Light,
But I listen to the Dark,

Sacrifices are the path of the Light,
Selfish deeds are the way of the Dark,

The Light is bloody,
The Dark is beautiful,

I love the Light,
I desire the Dark.

Todd W. Phillips

Why do we go to college? It seems that these days everyone goes to college at some point. But why? Do we go simply just to get a piece of paper saying we went? How many people actually go to learn? It is also amazing to see so many people being stupid. I will admit I have not taken college as serious as I wanted to and should have. But so many people take the term "college experince" to such a new level. Virtually every myspace and facebook account of college students that I find have some pictures of huge parties and people getting drunk. Why? So many take the term, "everyone should try everything once" to again a new level. You have college students getting into experimenting with all kinds and forms of sex, while also being drunk. Why? I know a lot of people try to tell me that I wouldn't know unless I experinced it, but is it really that good? I feel like I am one of the only ones who still has a ethics and standards. One final thought, if this blog offends you, why? Stop and think about why and in what ways it offends you. Stop and think for once.

This world feels so dark sometimes. I know we are supposed to shed our light on the world, but it is a very large world. I've been looking out upon the world lately and just realizing how overwhelming it really is. There are so many people, so many lands, and so much money. As I watch the world around me spin and fall deeper into darkness, I am reminded I am supposed to hold my light bright and shine it everywhere. However the more I saw all the darkness the more I feel like I am being lost in it. Who am I? If there are so many people out there how can just one make any diffrence? At what point can I give up and let it go? This world is far too heavy for one person to carry.

To be a failure is to allow yourself to get into a position where you must give up. Where you have to give control over to the forces around you. It is where you realize all of the things you could have done to prevent failing, and now you wondering why hadn’t you done those things when you could have. Then you sink lower in your distress because you know that you have failed and that your judgment is coming. You look upon others and see that they have done well, that they did the things they needed to when it was upon them. But you, you are sitting there wondering if anyone is going to have mercy on you, and if you would let yourself accept their mercy knowing fully that you do not deserve it. This is why it is so hard to let God take over. As Christians we know that God has given us that mercy, but who would really give mercy to someone who deserves to be punished. There is a time when we realize that we have wrong someone else, and that we will wonder if we should ask for forgiveness. We would jump at the chance to forgive someone who has wronged us, but yet do not wish to seek forgiveness for ourselves for we are in complete knowledge that we deserve whatever punishment that is fit. The hardest example I can think of at the moment is School. I know that I didn’t get the assignment done, and it is my fault and my fault alone. I deserve whatever grade the teacher sees to give out, it is their job to do so. Yet this concept of asking for forgiveness is so foreign to us. Christ when he was on this world said to make right with everyone you have wronged. Well how I can I ask for forgiveness from someone who is just doing the thing they are called to do. Now going to that I can see how the idea of a job and having a boss can be in the same situation. If you do not get the job done that you are hired to do, then why shouldn’t your boss reprimand you in some way? However going back to the beginning though, because of this reluctance of asking for forgiveness we will see ourselves as failures. It will loom over us for as long as it can find a way to stay there. So what should we do about it? God says forgive and beg for forgiveness, yet how can I keep my guilt from reminding me of how I have failed. Why is it that I can work on a paper for days and get half as much as this that I wrote in 10 minutes? Do I give up now; ask for forgiveness, keep on trying to do as well as I can, or pretend like nothing is wrong with me? Do I just fail?

The Fire

Deep inside,

There is a fire,

My hearts furnace,

Passions desire,

For a lost hope,

Now faded gone,

Remains a trace,

My hearts song,

That sang loud,

With you around,

But now quite,

With you silent,

The fuel to burn,

Escapes me,

Draining the fire,

The warmth I need,

To burn bright,

To guide the light,

You search for,

The heat you yearn,

Till there is more,

Todd W. Phillips

Well it's been awhile since I posted, this is mostly due to a busy Christmas break. Now though I am back at school, and it feels like home. I have a heavy school load, and so much more reading than I am used to, but I hope to do a lot better this semester after pretty much failing my first semester here. But I am starting to get adjusted once again to dorm life.

How many did we fit in there:

1. Stan's car (5 seater) - 7 people
2. Bathroom stall - 10 people
3. Second bathroom stall - 12 people
4. Daniel's closet - 7 people
5. Underneath the stairs 7 people
   

Jury duty sucks. I know that it is necessary for our legal system to work, but it still sucks. I had to get up at 6:30am, drive with my dad to the government center, and sit and sit and sit. You don't even get to be compensated for being there (though I'm not working right now), and have to take a day out of your week just to sit there. I didn't even get called, I just at there waiting. The saddest thing though, was that during the whole thing and after coming home, I'm so tired. All I did was sit and do nothing. So I get home and do nothing because I'm tired from not doing anything. Darn government.